okay pat passed out under dana's car
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
