I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
