Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
