from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
