You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
