i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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