just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
