i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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