They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
