Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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