i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
