i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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