The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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