Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
