i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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