Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
