the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
