No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
