The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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