You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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