am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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