I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
