Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
