Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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