that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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