I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
