I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
