clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize