you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
