Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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