GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
