Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
