dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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