If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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