He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
