dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
