You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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