I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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