I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
