Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
