Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
