It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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