Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
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Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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