How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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