Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
