yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Randomize
