its not stalking. its research.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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