There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
