i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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