I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
