So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Everclear isn't food dammit
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm bleeding and have questions
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