Will you blow on my dice?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
