That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
