Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
