I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
