she kept yelling 'call me bella'
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
