I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Dignity is for republicans.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
