Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
someone owes me an orgasm
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You're like the curious george of whores
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
