I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
