my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
