Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
