First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
