An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Randomize
