Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
