Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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