All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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