this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
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