Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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