I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
