dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
