Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize