"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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