I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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