look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
